repeat what is loved
i can hear the rain outside my window.
theres something about fall that always puts me in this mood. maybe its the smell and the colors and the feeling that everything is gearing up for a long slumber, but i get this feeling of just wanting to slow down. take deep breaths and spend time just…sitting. i talk less, i read more. all i want to do is put on a john coltrane record, cuddle up with quilt and sip tea. needless to say, i love this time of year. its just such a change that transpires into me wanting to change.
i still can’t get over how quickly a year has passed.
am i different? did i grow up and learn anything?
i sure do hope so. but i must admit that i am still a mess. and still unsure about everything.
but i suppose thats allowed.
in one week i will be turning 25 years old. twenty five. it seems unreal. mostly because i feel like im 17 and high school seemed just yesterday. i dont feel any wiser. more scars and stories, but probably not any smarter. such is life.
i have trips coming up. which is perfect timing because im finding myself in a rut. so im spending the next few months jet setting around the world, just in time to come back and hibernate for winter.
maybe this trip will give me the clarity im so desperately seeking. hum.
im caught somewhere in between sad and happy. im just…content.
